My mouth watered, and I yearned to get in touch with the seafood lover in me, growing up in Cleveland. Ooh, man, those Red Lobster commercials made lobster and shrimp look oh-so-delicious, but consuming that classy food felt unattainable. Where the hell was this glorious place?It turns out hardly any Red Lobsters were in the Cleveland area, but those commercials still ran a lot. Granted, I had a fabulous restaurant called Ponderosa close to my home, and that was before the place made a corporate decision to cater to white trash. But Red Lobsters were hard to find, and today, only four Red Lobsters grace the Cleveland area.
Years passed. Perhaps decades passed. Every so often, those delectable Red Lobster commercials came on my TV, and emotions stirred in my belly. Could this place be as great as advertised?
Well, I finally made it to a Red Lobster in Lakewood, Calif., and let me say this: That place sucks. Damn, what a letdown!
My food didn't look like the stuff in the commercials at all. I didn't get sick because of the food. I got sick because of having my dream killed. My innocence was lost.
Apparently, others agree that Red Lobster sucks, too, and some blog about it. Seriously, though, Red Lobster wins the Snooze Button Generation's dubious award for the biggest distance between fantasy and reality for commercials I watched as a lad.
Most people will rave about the cheesy biscuits at Red Lobster. THAT IS YOUR FIRST CLUE. If you're raving about the biscuits at a seafood place, well then the seafood must really suck. You're better off going to a church that has a Lenten fish fry then that place. - Hefner
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