How the Big Trak ruined America

The best thing about the Big Trak wasn't the truck itself, but my cat's reaction to it. My Lord, I remember Muffy puffing up and hissing at the Big Trak, and I rarely saw her do that.

I look at the Big Trak now and think, "Holy balls! That is one awesome toy!"

However, as a youth, I often thought it was a ripoff, never quite living up to the expectations I had for it. Just like in a commercial I saw for it, the Big Trak was supposed to cut down on household chores by delivering apples to my father. I could never get it to do that.

Was the Big Trak just a toy? Upon further examination, it may not have been a toy from the '80s. It may have been the devil.

Until this day, I still cannot comprehend the ridiculous popularity of SUVs in the late '90s and early 2000s. Through extensive Internet research, I have discovered that U.S. automakers typically made $10,000 for each SUV sale while they either lost money or broke even for regular car sales during the SUV craze.While the SUV craze reinvigorated the U.S. auto industry, it also meant that less resources were being put into regular cars, and foreign companies said "checkmate" to the U.S. companies because of the value and development of conventional cars. Soon, the U.S. auto industry was in turmoil, and an eventual government bailout was needed.

For all of this, I blame the Big Trak. Subconsciously, many members of the Snooze Button Generation remembered their love of the Big Trak growing up, and when it was their turn to buy a car, they bought the closest thing they could to the Big Trak.

Instead of shooting lasers, SUVs rolled over frequently, but SBG members didn't mind. They got their Big Traks, wasted some gas and gave the auto companies some short-term success. All of the United States' economical turmoil can be traced to the Big Trak.

And don't get me started about the war in Iraq. Obviously, G.I. Joe is to blame for that one.