Happy Pills

Editor’s Note: Fred “XMan” Stevens unexpectedly passed away from a heart attack on Feb. 16, 2011. The XMan had been featured on this blog many times during his lifetime, including when he was attacked by a killer cactus, suggested his son suffocate him because of the flu and taught life lessons about solving crime. This type of blog entry called “From the XMan Chronicles” is part of a periodic SBG series that recounts tales connected to him.

I have an addiction, and I do not plan on kicking my habit. I'm addicted to my daughters.

Every moment that I'm with them, I feel warm and happy. I have often felt this way, but with Sophie now 6 and Chloe 4, I've never felt this way more. My mom has similar feelings.

Following the ridiculous and unexpected death of the Xman, my mom and I have been driving in a grief-mobile that has us united with how we cope. We both agree that Sophie and Chloe have transformed into something called "Happy Pills."

No matter how difficult it is for us to believe what has happened to our world, the Happy Pills cheer us up. Their childlike brilliance brightens our day, and we usually feel our best around them.In Cleveland, my mom resides in "The Polish Mansion," and as we drive in our grief-mobile, we are together emotionally and will be together much more in person. Yesterday, for example, she just concluded a three-week stay in Long Beach, and I was sad to see her leave.

Our grieving wounds remain raw. Signs of the XMan are everywhere. I never really believed in a spiritual world before the XMan's death, but so many signs are around me that I am now wondering more and more about spirituality. The glorious Chewbacca collection, fantasy golf windfall and random hail in Long Beach recently (see video below) all make me realize that the XMan's spirit may be communicating to me.

My girls and I will be visiting my mom next month, then my mom will be back in California soon after that. My mom and I will be using drugs - our Happy Pills.