Walk like a fireman. Eat like a chick.

During my Cousin Steve's yearly visit to California, we discovered a mantra that we plan to follow forever: "Walk like a fireman. Eat like a chick."

Raging fires are something that I rarely encounter, but if I did, my reaction would be, "Holy crap! We got to get a hose and put out that sucker!"

However, if you've ever seen real-life firemen, they do not run to the fire. They calmly walk, then they do their jobs. Hmm. Yeah, it's true. It's smart to stay calm in all situations, even though it can be hard.

An aside about firemen is this: I am certain that there is no profession that is universally liked by females more than firefighter. To women, fireman are "the hottest guys out there, no doubt." I am unsure what profession men think has the most attractive ladies, but they might pick models or actresses or something way more superficial than firefighter. That may once again prove how un-classy many dudes are.

Anyway, to "walk like a fireman" is only half the equation (equation is yet another word with all the vowels in order, although facetious has them all in order and starts with a consonant!), to "eat like a chick" is the second half of Steve and my secret to success.

Many guys eat like drunken, cannibalistic cows. They overeat meat. They have a disregard to vegetables. There is even a show titled "Man vs. Food."

No, no, that type of diet will doom us as a male race. Steve and I have discovered that we must "eat like a chick." Many a time, I have found myself at a fancy restaurant, in which I order bloody meat. The girl, in turn, orders a sensible salad.

Steve and I are adjusting to our newly found mantra. We are walking like firemen, and we are eating like chicks.